Week two of class and we discussed the field trip we took on Friday. I listened to the discussion and tried to understand the words. My turn and I could think of nothing to add, not even in English.
My sweet teacher reminded me my pronunciation needs help (and many prayers). I am struggling. It is hard.
At break I hugged 2 friends but then they asked how I was and suddenly I was fighting tears. Why?
Intellectually I know I am learning and that everyone in class has had months or years more French lessons than I have, but to feel so inept, so inadequate, so stupid is not a good feeling.
I made it through the morning, the trip home, lunch, and while walking to the bank, I realized that the feelings of despair, while are understandable, are not from God. 'What ever is good, what ever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about these things,' he tells us.
So I prayed for God to pull me through, to help me, to be my strength and my hope, because I am totally inadequate on my own. Only the Holy Spirit can help me focus on the truth of what is and not the fuzzy feelings of self-doubt. He is good, all the time.
And he sent me friends. And Megan to help and rub my back. And Chris. And my sweet kids.
Oh, HE is so good.
I will not despair, for He is with me - and 'not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit' says the Lord.
Hang in there, Lori! I'm sorry it is hard, I can't imagine trying to do what you are doing. I love that people hugged you, and I love that Megan was a comfort to you. Thanks for updating us.
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