Covid and Cancer

My home. I'm home still and still not at home.

We’ll be in the States for an undetermined time.  Covid19 is making returning to Cameroon unpredictable. Flights are just starting to go back and forth in the last few days.  But Wycliffe isn't ready to send anyone back to where there are limited medical facilities yet, even though we still have people there.

But now there’s Cancer. My cancer.  I have stage three colon cancer.  And like Covid 19, I keep thinking all of this is a bad dream and I'll wake up sometime.
But it's real.

Here’s the timeline so far:

May 28 I had my, ‘I just turned 50’ colonoscopy. It was originally scheduled for March 31 but was postponed due to Covid.  I had no symptoms. But Dr Musana found a large tumor.

May 29 I met the surgeon, Dr. Beverly.  He’s going to do a right Hemicolectomy.  Remove everything from the appendix up to the top of the colon and reattach the small intestines to the colon. 

June 4 CT Scan.  Cancer does not appear to have spread. They will recheck my lungs.

June 9 CT Scan. Lungs look good

            Pre-op visit   Instructions before surgery, blood draw, EKG

            CoVId19 test.   Just to check before surgery

June 15 Surgery. Dr. cut out 16 cm or so of colon and the appendix and reattached the parts. It went well.

June 18 Home. Waiting for Pathology results

June 22. Results.  Not what we wanted. Cancer in one of the 28 lymph nodes.  That makes it Stage 3 colon cancer. T3 N1a moderately differentiated.

            This changes everything.

June 30 Oncology appointment with Dr. Gorsch. He recommends 6 months of Chemo, followed by checkups every 3 months for a year, then every 6 months, then every year until 5 years post treatments.

He said this chemo doesn't usually have bad side effects and I shouldn't lose my hair. But he also prescribed 3 nausea medications, said to get immodium, and prepare a mouth rinse with water, salt and baking soda for mouth sores, and be prepared for extreme sensitivity to cold.

July 10 A port installed under my collarbone just under the skin that connects a tube into my upper vena cava for easy connection for chemo, blood draw, IVs etc. 

It hurts to move my neck when I get home. The incisions hurt. Why didn't anyone tell me how much this would hurt?

So what does all of this mean for me right now?

My theme in all of this is to choose joy.  That does not mean I feel joyful every moment, but I am trying to find beautiful and funny things every day.  To have joy and enjoy something in each day. I know that I am in the palm of His hand.  I am covered in prayer and so is my family.  I am not alone.  

I’m still recovering from the surgery.  I’m not able to be very active for very long but every day I can do more.  I get tired really quickly.  I can’t sit for very long, folded up. My belly is just uncomfortable after sitting.  I haven’t left the house very much and I haven’t cared. And if you know me, that’s just weird. 

But I am getting stronger every day. I'm beginning to want to go and do.  Getting the port slowed me down to a halt. But I'm getting better again.

So what does all this say about my home? I am thankful my true home is in heaven and though I've never been, I've read about it and believe it will be better than I can imagine.  If I die, rather when I die, it will be my forever home. 

So what am I afraid of? Mostly I'm afraid of how my family will be effected by all of this.  I'm afraid of being really sick too. Pray for my family! Pray that I can be light and salt where ever I am.

Our friends and family and the church have been fantastic to us.  We've had meals, cards, gift certificates, phone calls and emails, and most importantly prayers.  I've felt surrounded by a sea of prayers and love by so many.  I've felt peace and joy that passes understanding as a gift from God.

But I've also felt pain, fear, loneliness, and abundant sadness. And that's okay.  It's okay to feel.

How do people do this without Jesus?  How do they make it through each hard thing, every uncertainty, not knowing God is there and he loves us?


For God so loved the world that he gave-
For me. For you.

I believe.  I don't know what chemo will do to me. Hopefully it will kill any stray cancer cells and leave the rest of me alone. Regardless of what it does, I know He loves me. I am surrounded by an army of witnesses of His love. I am, have been, and will be surrounded by loving family and friends and even by the kindness of strangers, but most importantly, by His Spirit. 

Thanks for reading and praying for me, for my family, and for Cameroon.


Here's what it looked like the first 2 weeks of June, trying to get in as much exercise, family time, and fun things before surgery.  

 And some not as fun:

Getting ready-

An EKG

Hospital 'food'

The oncologist 

 But still some nice things:

My chef preparing breakfast

My first outing - returning books at the library

a few weeks later, strong enough to go to the mall

4th of July with friends including this stranded fellow missionary to Cameroon on his birthday

 Getting the Port

One of these is now just under my collar bone.
The tube goes into a vein and then to the upper vena cava

The port means no more of these for a long time

CoVid19 Home

It’s been almost a year since I wrote about transitioning back to the US!  The first half of the year was crazy busy getting settled, visiting family, friends, and churches. I was also working with Wycliffe to recruit teachers to work overseas with Wycliffe in schools for missionary kids. Chris is almost finished with a Master’s Degree in World Arts.  Noah started his freshman year at Liberty University and Kristin and Ben attended Jefferson Forest High School.  I still volunteered at their school in the library and attended women’s Bible study. 

Graduation from RFIS

At the top of the tower at Liberty University

Working with Chrissy at the library

Grand Canyon University 

But like all of you we are staying mostly at ‘home’ right now, leaving for exercise, food, and medical appointments. 

Last week our family started a video blog (vlog). And although I don’t usually connect work stuff with this blog, I’m going to make an exception!

We are all well and trying to figure out how to not drive each other crazy in the tiny apartment space that is our home for the year.  I have to get out and get some exercise and sunlight everyday.  Chris and I often take walks (sometimes playing Pokémon-go) and I also go to the grocery or play tennis with Ben. 

My Bible study is now through zoom.
Ben made the Tennis team yay! But everything was cancelled just after the first match. 

Kristin takes Ballet and Modern dance, now online through zoom. 

The kids are all taking their classes online.

Yes to the dress for the recital, but it's cancelled

It is a strange, strange world we live in right now. I’m often feeling fine.  BUT, I have felt more anxious, unsure, unsteady, out of sorts, and just off, quite a bit.  When I take my eyes off the Lord and put them onto problems and uncertainties, it is worse.  I know God knew about this crazy virus before the beginning of time.  I know He’s got this, and you and me, just as he always has. I know that worrying doesn’t add a hair to my head nor make things change, but prayer and meditation on God’s word bring peace.

I miss my family and I’m not allowed to go visit.  I miss my friends overseas and here in town! I’m feeling lonely sometimes.  But this is not my home. It is just a place to stay for now.

Spring has brought beauty in the every day.  I’ve missed the great variety of spring colors, just like I’ve missed snow (maybe next time we are in the States it will snow?).

I feel like this is a very wondering post, but, that’s another sign of the times. 

You can see pictures of this year if you look for the hashtag #ayearinlynchburg on Instagram or Facebook.

Thanks for reading.  Thanks for praying as our family hopes to return to Cameroon in July. That home is calling.

*Pray for Cameroon – the virus is just getting started there with 650 cases so far (April 6), meanwhile the North West and South West regions are still experiencing unrest. Pray for revival and safety.

Selling all Cameroon items on the streets of Yaoundé

Treasures from a recent outing to a State Park
These are Fairy Stones!

Ben I trying to catch up to his brother in height

Transitions....

It’s time to transition again. We leave this home in a month.  I’ve loved this space. Great living room for parties.  Awesome kitchen and stove/oven.  Nice breezes and good views from the balconies.  Fantastic.  But also, sometimes isolating.  Just 2 blocks from the missionary compound.  But that means not that many women just to hang out with.  It means being stuck at home after dark or when Chris travels because we only have one car and because I’m afraid to drive here.  Not just because of the stick shift on hills, no, it’s the motorcycles weaving in and out and the pedestrians unaware of you on the road. It’s small children walking to school and taxis overflowing with goods navigating the merging, meandering, me-first, traffic.  My sweet Chris doesn’t understand my startle reflex that is SO strong.  But he did tell me that if I ever drive here, I couldn’t close my eyes! 

So, I’m looking forward to driving in a place where I understand the rules, and I’m good at it.  I’m looking forward to the freedom of buying butter and chocolate chips any time of the night or day. And to eating cereal for breakfast that I didn’t have to make.  I’m yearning for fresh milk and blueberries.

And at the same time, I’ll be missing mangoes, and avocados, and pineapples and papayas and the close knit missionary community where everyone knows everyone and you just do life together.  Sometimes awesome and sometimes hard, the people here are wonderful and my friends are extraordinary people.  But they move away or go on furlough or leave the field, and sometimes the suffer breakdowns, or just cry and are so raw and real but other times they are so distant and guarded, quiet and perhaps homesick. It is so hot sometimes, well, actually almost all the time it’s hot and I sweat SO much. And every once in a long while, I want a blanket at night. The birds are fantastic!  But there are no cardinals here, nor robins.  We have passion fruit, but no strawberries. There is always a trying to BE where I am, enjoying and appreciating it, but also there is the longing for what I am missing.

One month from leaving. I’m finishing up my jobs at the library; packing up the house into trunks and plastic tubs; trying to find special moments with special people.  It’s all come too fast and not fast enough. 

That’s it: transitions are goodbyes to the bad and hellos to the good and goodbyes to the wonderful and hellos to the worst.  It’s leaving wonderful people to be with wonderful people and your heart is torn between the places and people and things. And I am longing for heaven so we can know no goodbyes again!

And in all this God has answered so many prayers.  There is an opening in the apartments just next to the high school.  A good friend has donated money to help buy a car. Noah has a scholarship to Liberty University that will pay his tuition all four years if he keeps a B average and we continue to be missionaries.  Wow! God is gracious and good. But even if he didn't choose to do those things, He is still good.

And so as my life begins to spiral in the last 30 days before we say goodbye for now, my hope and belonging and peace come from the One who never changes, who is always good, who loves me, and who promises to never leave me. 

Archery at RFIS carnival. My son is a good teacher!

Party for Kristin's small group Bible study 

Our annual conference and celebrating 50 years in Cameroon!

Some Scripture produced in Cameroonian languages

A green mamba killed outside the MK elementary school (the Greenhouse School)

Dolls for sale

How do you buy your shoes?  Pairs separated to make the harder to steal?

Roadside market

Prayer before soccer tournament awards

The winning team!

Thank yous for the team from the US/JAARS who served the kids during our annual conferences

Book displays from the library at RFIS

Duck mouse 

Easter:

Play prep-

Before

and after the beard - ready for the play!

My actors

Waiting - early to get good seats.

The play, 'Hope and Heartache Diner' was a success

Spent $3 to see the new Marvel movie with friends and the kids in a hot theater at the French Institute. 

Ben found this rhinoceros beetle.

Driving lessons

Welcome!

The best skies in the city are during the rainy season

How do you peel an orange?

Velvet Ashes Retreat at Mbalmayo.  SO good to be out of the city and enjoy nature!

Thanks for praying for me and for our family as we transition back to the USA for a year while Noah begins college, and Chris finishes another degree.  I’ll be mom, homemaker, and also actively recruiting for teachers, librarians, and a principal for our missions schools.  There are HUGE needs for teachers – math, science, English, languages, ELL/ESL, support services, history, PreK, K, 1-2, middle school, art, pe, music… We need experienced, Christian teachers willing to raise support to serve missionary kids. That’s right, no pay, in fact you pay for the van ride to school, for housing, food, immunizations, visa, and flights.  Chris will be recruiting for Ethno Arts.  So many opportunities to serve here!

We are also in process of renting an apartment, we still need a car we can take traveling long distances, and this will be the first time I've ever lived in VA with no family in town.  Thanks for praying!